training went smooth! oh, I always love a good training when I get to hit a lot. and chase after balls and save points and stuff. ohyeah. drinking yoghurt afterwards isn't too bad either.

weekend is coming closer, and I'm having a slight panic-attack since I'm not really sure where all my scheduled things fit in. ohwell, work will always be on the same time! I'll call them to make sure tomorrow as wel, humdidum.
I'm not really sure about you wanting to read my blog. quite frankly, it's getting repetitive and boring (my life in a nutshell!)

so here are some facts that you might not want to know about me, but might still be interesting!

• I have deep respect for other's parents rooted deep in my spine.
• I'm planning on going to Australia in a couple of years, after a road-trip.
• I love making books. not writing, but binding.
• I have things to record my songs with, but not the skills to use the technology
• I love horses and if I hadn't found volleyball I would've become a loner taking care of my own horse in a forest - for ever.

Today was a slow day, sort of. I had one lesson in geology, and that was it (though it was a nice lesson, I think I like this subject!). I met up with Rasmus, and he went looking for shoes as I talked about my day, yada yada. I also had the pleasure of meeting his brother and mom, and I realized that I don't really know that much about Rasmus family-life. which might've been his intentions, I don't know. It was nice, however, even though I didn't really talk much to them. My tongue always locks itself when I meet family members of people I like, it's like that with Fanny's and Frida's parents too. they're always so nice and I never know what to say. ever.

oh well, maybe that's good so they won't think that their kids are spending time with lunatics! (which they are, mouahahahaha)

the sun was out today, and it was really truly beautiful to be alive, even though my feet hurt a bit from the shoes i got from Sigrid. (I'll get used to them) I love the sun, I can stand with my face towards it for hours on end! It just fills me up, erasing all those things that are bad and reminding me of who I am. Although I can't stop wishing for the snow to fall so that the nights will be a bit lighter.

I want the snow to fall. I wish for the trees to bare their naked black branches and then cover them up with that white powder that chills my bones. I want the days to be dark and long, illuminated only by yellow streetlights and fires and candles. I miss missing the summer. I want to long for the spring and dive deep under my covers as the snow keeps my windows shut.

I want to walk by the lake as it's freezed over, having the cold bite my toes and my nose, and I want to hear the snow under my shoes.

but I don't want the summer to have ended either, even though it died long ago.


---

The painting for our personal project is almost done, and i'm in a state where I love it but still want to make those minor changes. I didn't make any sketches for it, which might disappoint my teacher since we were supposed to. but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. it's all there, in the painting. I don't want to spill my thoughts on another surface, watering it out, I want it all to be concentrated on that big piece of wood.

I should also start gathering texts and words for my PA, but I don't know what kind I want to do. I wrote some texts that could be portrayed as letters, but it just doesn't come together in my head. maybe I should just look through a dictionary and pick some from that. It seems like a fair deal, right?

time to cheer up!! okay, so first thing that is awesome right now: bandsession. ohyea.

second awesome thing: I got more than halfway through the book that's due on monday, and I'm finishing it tomorrow. score.

third thing: yesterday the sky was on fire and even the dull gray earth had a red and pink tone, as if someone photoshopped the world. awesome.

fourth!: this morning when I let the horses out there was fog e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e and the sunwas shining through it weakly.

tomorrow evening when I've finished reading the book I think I will go for an endless walk outside, or bake something. mmmyes.

on the other hand, I really have to go to the protocall learn-how-to session tomorrow morning. it starts at ten, stealing my sleep-in, reducing the time i have left to read those twohundred pages of people travelling. hmm. and I'm not even sure that I know where it is.

well, I should try my best, if only I knew how long it would take!

cheerio

Life's been busy indeed. I finally started on my hugeass painting, and it will sweep you off your feet when I'm done. for once I will be the one to take your breath away.

for once I will be the one showing you something new.

----- Election here is over and done with.

where is this world heading? I don't know, but right now, can I get off the ride please? this is not the ticket that I bought.

Green Gloves is on repeat in my had, and it soothes me, it makes me feel safe. I don't know what it is, maybe it's his voice or the first few tones of the song, or the way he mumbles when he sings. why can't I know a person that makes me feel like that? It seems so soft and right. It keeps me from thinking bad things about myself, and I like that.

Linnea finally had her last training with us. maybe I don't want to talk about it, I don't know. but it feels like my heart has been ripped out, I don't want to do anything except playing like a freak. what's even worse is that Sara's leaving too. to work. come on people, this sucks! not our team, but the feeling of people leaving sucks, I've had enough of it. I'm always the one standing left on a vast surface, waving to their backs. I won't have it! some day, I will leave just for the sake of leaving.

then you will be the ones to miss me.

I should've known it when I woke up early on saturday morning, not being able to sleep long. hello cold. hello sickness. now go to hell.

i can't train tomorrow because if this stupid cold, and neither will I be well enogh to go to school tomorrow. hell, I'm too sick to sit in front of this damn computer.

anywho, election today, and pleasepleaseplease don't make the blue win!

thankyouverymuch greedy swedish rich bastards.

trainings are going better and better, and hopes and dreams about division two seems to be within our reach. something that shocked me to no ends though, and made me extremely confused and pissed, is the fact that our best setter Sara is quitting because of work.

come on! she's a genius when it comes to setting, and her work had to give her the shifts on our trainings and games?? what the hell!

so since I am so pissed, I'm going to read som Willem Moberg and hope everything turns out great in the end.

Fia, NEVER GET SICK!

I tried sleeping under the sun

 

i tried resting in the ocean

 

but it's impossible when the one you want

 

is the daughter of the sun

 

 

my arms are made for her to hold

my lips were made for her to mold

I know I was made to spread my legs for her

 

but in the end she's the one who decides

 

if we're getting it on

 

or if we stay the same.

 

 

Power

how could I unwind myself from around her finger

when all I want is to wind my legs

around her neck?

 

I tried shouting in the void of space

 

I tried screaming in a padded room

 

but it's impossible when the one you want

 

is the daughter of the sun.

The scent of pancakes made its way slowly into my nostrils, tickling my hunger and filling me with all the memories of when I was a child and knew that daddy was cooking because it smelled like daddy-food (Yes people, I am referring to pancakes. except for when he's making pasta and meat balls). prescious memories indeed.

Today I managed the art of buying a humongus chocolate bar even though I only needed a small one, only because I have money left since I'm not buying clothes for a year. so I sat down, taking a look at myself and how I spend my money, and realized that that is exactly what I always do. I SPEND my money. like, I never have anything left by the end of the month. well that is going to change. from now on, the only chocolate i am allowed to BUY is: chocolate ball at Elsas Hus, Palle Kuling and chocolate that is a present for someone. period. the rest i have to make myself or compensate with youghurt. good plan, I will keep it up!

oh, by the way, pat on the back for Saga, who now hasn't bought any unnecessary clothes in a month! score!

right now my creativity is working its ass off, because I've finally started for real my project! the project is for school, and I am basically making an exhibition on hom communication is a lot harder than one think, by mixing words and paintings. something I interpret as a clear message may be unintelligeble nonsense to someone else. or the other way around. stick around for more information on this matter.

and now the weather; the day has been sunny and shiny and glorious like any autumn day should be.

I feel so alive right now.

 

It was a gloriuos monday morning, and all my senses were on their best behavior. sort of.

it was THE DAY.

The day when I would finally do the test that would bring me freedom and the right to speed around alone in a car. My english class was a bit boring for the first time, but I believe it will become better (and warmer. that classroom is ANTARCTICA!) with time. spent my free time in the art room to the joy of my heart, and the day went by without any major incidents or raptors roaming the hallways. that would inevitably be awesome though.

anywhoo.

when class had finished, I killed some time with my two awesome friends at subway (hallelujah) and then I was finally off to the house where it would all take place. oh yes.

It is peculiar, how one can know things, and in a pressed moment, thinkt that they are being tricked by the knoeledge drilled in to their heads.

I know for a fact that the only thing the car lets out is carbon dioxide and water. yet I did not mark that answer. for example. it was worse the last time I took it, obviously, since I failed, but this time I was pepared!

and SCORE! the driver's licence is now mine, and i consider me being the ruler of the world!

next on my to do list are my tattoos. they will rock. and you will be jealous of my genius.

words are words, and I am me, and you are not what you used to be.

a break. that's what I need right now.

I'll tell you later, if I have the heart for it. is that the way you'd say it? i don't know, I just know that i've got an ass-long book to read.

Don't count on frequent updates anymore (not that you'd really miss them) and don't count on my wisdom to shower over the world in spurs of inspiration. autumn is here, aand it brings with it the feeling of melancholy and apathy. you know it, the one where you're talking with your best friend, and all of a sudden you can't speak, and there is this empty viod in your mind and body, and you space out. it's the one where you play the same three chords over and over, trying to remember what words are and how to cleverly put them together.

I want tomorrow to come, because tomorrow equals volleyball. oh sweet blessing.

my heart is sold on wooden beads and old wrinkled brown leather, old fabrics and big shirts. my heart is sold on my father's old backpack and my mom's old shirts and prints with old comics on them.

my heart is sold on sunshine in the mornings and mist at breakfast. it's sold on starry skies and seeing your breath in the headlights of an old car.

my heart is sold on best friend-stuff and recycling everything I can get my hands on.

creativity is a blessing right now.

autumn is a blessing right now.

today was epic. reason numero uno: I passed the driving test, and all that remains now it to nail that writing test and I WILL BE OUT ON THE ROAD BITCHES! yes, prepare to take random trips to vast places just because i can.

...whenever I can get my hands on one of our cars, since mine isn'r ready yet, by far. hmm.

anywoo!

la deuxieme raison: the feeling of constantly being in a very cosy group of people under a chilly autumn sky. it's blue, and the people are orange (except for Perra who was blue today, geez that girl needs mittens! like, badly!) which provides a warm and homey feeling.

tomorrow morning is the last training outdoors, and sing me a hallelujah song in the form of a banana, because the trainings at folkunga doesn't start until six on thursdays, AKA, I DON'T HAVE TO RUN LIKE A MANIAC THROUGH TOWN TO GET THERE IN TIME! awesome, I know. you may henceforth refer to me as Lucky Son of A Bitch.

speaking of that, i really need to meet up with people and have weird talks over cups of tea. preferrably in the middle of the night when it's raining outside, but hey, you can't have everything at one, right?

bisous

tomorrow is the day when I test my driving skills for real. it's the time when I'm supposed to show how well and awesome I behave in traffic. and it's raining outside.

I can't really say that I'm nervous, I'd rather say determined. I failed the theory test, which sucked, but I will not fail this one. no tricky questions, no math about alcohol. just driving.

today was the second last training outside, and quite frankly, I can't wait until we get indoors and my feet start bouncing off the floor for real, and we get into some serious training. yees.

 

so how was my day? one might wonder. or not, it depends on what reason you have for reading this mess, rawr. my day was awesome. a bit waoh, but mostly awesome. the tshirts that have been hanging in the glass-cabinet in the hallway were taken out today, and I managed to get my hands on them. score! other things adding to the awesome factor: no rain! blue sky! music in the corridor! painting! touching Lina in inappropriate places!

things that were just waoh: painting a naked woman.

yes folks, you heard me! we closed the windows, put up our stuff, put her on a comfy chair, and painted with all the colors of the wind. it was awesome, even though it lasted from half past twelve to half past four (which was TIRING!) that might also explain the condition of this text, omnomnom. err, yea. about that.

I should be going to bed, since I really don't have anything to talk about, other than how this weather stirs up lots and lots of emotions in me and makes me insane in good and bad ways.

bye bye, plum pie.

mmm, plums!