I started feeling sick some days ago, but I decided to drive the illness out of my system by training like a maniac. which I did. both in our own training and with the women's team. and it worked out splendid!

so right now I guess I'm preparing to go to Impact this weekend, meeting some sweet people, talking about sweet stuff, and then going straight back home to gather up some old favorites.

anywho, you'll hear more about it when I actually feel like writing this shit down.

oh, and I'm missing out on a great opportunity to play a game of volleyball with the women's team on saturday.

pissed.

the movie night was all set up, and I had bought tons of things for us to eat, counting on us to be about ten. we were six, but that's not too far off! It was time to pick up the first people from the bus, and despite myself I was a bit nervous. It was such a long time since I last set up a movie night, and I'd nearly forgotten how to. it all went splendid after all, and now I finally started to clear my floor from the mattresses.

I look at them and I freeze. how long has it really been since the people I love lay sleeping soundly between those covers? it seems like a huge vast wasteland of time that we may never cross again. I remember almost all of our nights together, when we'd disrupt the entire house with our laughs and cries and movies. I miss the smell of sleep laying like a haze over the heap of blankets and people, I miss the feeling of lying between people so close that I could faintly hear their hearts. I always slept best those nights.

but we never really do that anymore, and it sadden me.

are we growing up?

at night, I can still hear that shower running. I can feel the hard mattress and the thin wierd pillow wrapped around my head. My nostrils fool me that they feel the scent of chocolate and nuts and tea and rain in the sun. I trick myself to hear the laughs, the cries and the soft murmurs of people at night in conversation by the lights in the street. I hear the slamming of doors, and the echoes of footsteps in the stone staircase. I feel the wind under the bridge, hear the clinks of bottles, curse over blisters that I realize a second later I don't have anymore.

and somewhere in the midst of all that, I miss you. I miss you so damn much.

the street was cold, my legs were frozen and the chord to my earphones had gone stale from the chilling wind. It was half past ten in the night, and I was standing outside of Platå, waiting for Frida who had convinced me to go out on a thursday night. I felt, for the first time in my life, like one of those girls who goes out drinking without knowing what they're doing, without telling their parents, but knowing that the night will be special and mysterious. yea right, okay so skipping that crap, Frida came out to meet me and we both went in to the club. She introduced me to Linnea whom I already knew and Madde who would turn out to be a real amazing girl and danser.

drinks were bought and alcohol was drained, as were all the thoughts about the book I have to make a report on. seriously, fuck that book, it's awesome but.. no.

the music was loud, the drinks were good, and the dancefloor was packed with people and full of life. we were in there, right in the middle, drifitng here and there, and in that thriving pulsing crowd there are suddenly hands on my hips and lips on my lips, and whythefuckshouldIcare and he's touching me and he's not looking too bad either. I save him, leave him on the dansefloor becuase nooneshouldbewithme and the four of us girls hit the road with burning cheeks and wobbling legs and hearts full of laughter and those frizzy bubbles you have in soda.

on our way home we get distracted by three young men whom we talk with for a while and find out that they're actually not assholes shameonmeformyprejudices and we hang out with them in their apartment for half an hour. we watch youtube, talk about cool stuff and listen to music. Linnea eats some noodles and we have some salty pretzels, and half past four we head towards Frida's  house. taxi and streetlights and Resorb and a movie makes the eyelids drop, and before I know it I'm asleep. I didn't even watch the start of the movie.

we wake up after barely two hour's sleep, eat a little breakfast (Fruit rocks!) and I get to take a clementine with me to school. I stop by at McDonald's and get myself a coffee and toast, and then I ride the bus in the early morning light. it feels amazing to be alive and wake at those kind of hours.

I was slightly hungover, but we had art, and I could actually take some time waking up for real. I ate my clementine after lunch, and it was all I ever wanted; christmas and daycare and sour sweetness.

after school I was going to read the book that I neglected on Thursday, but my eyes dropped and I slept on the red sofa in the back of the school until father came and got me home. and when I came home I read Brokeback Mountain instead and wept.

I woke up in an extremely cold room, realizing the heat doesn't reach my room in autumn. and Saturday. aka, game time! (I will tell you shortly about my insane thursday later) frost was coating everything outside, giving it a fariyteale-like shimmer as I sat in the dining room with my tea and my toast. Read a bit from Jonathan Livingston Seagull to pass time, and then we were off to Folkunga.

The game was at home, and I felt that we had pretty nice chanses of winning. Sollentuna were late, so we had enough time to get calm and collected and set on our goal, but somehow, somewhere, we didn't perform too well. we lost three sets in a row and that was that. we played both good and bad, but I guess Sollentuna just were better. It was quite a strange game, to cite Frida Ryman's words. We did manage to get some points on them though, so next time we see them, we're going to give them our best! it that aint going to be too bad either.

Sabina; about to crush some bitches