the hair was done and the shoes were tied, and the train was coming in to the station. it was finally time to go out with some friends and have some fun! score! if you weren't there, you don't know what we did or said, thus there is no point in telling you! get out if you wanna hear about it! anyhow, I had a great time dancing in the street and singing commercial songs with Isak - thanks for that one by the way - and I was pleased to finally spend some time with Martina. that girl's a pearl.

woke up on the floor of Tom's home, ate some breakfast (DELICIOUS YOGHURT) and then Tom gave me a ride to the station where I took the tran home. it was a beautiful golden morning. got home and changed my clothes before going to work, yadayada, and arrived at Ellen Keyes at two o'clock. to make a long story short, we went and had pizza, and that was basically it. I LOVE MY JOB. the best part about it though is the fact that they asked me if I could keep working with them. GET REAL! They actually asked me, not the other way around! It made me so so so happy that they want me to stay with them so bad that they're actually going to ask their management if they can keep me. OH JOY! more updates on this will follow soon.

let's cut to the chase of this post. today was The Day. It was sunday and finally time for Team Valla to enter the women's 2nd division league. We went there with all we had, but regrettably it still wasn't enough. we were really prepared, but for some reason we kept stressing and spacing out, always being one step behind the play. we lost a great deal on short balls, and it was a mystery how we could miss those. because they just kept coming, without variation. but we will learn from this. we will not alllow a team of old hags to make fun of us, and on saturday we will bring everything we have got and CRUSH! we will be on top of the world and on top of the game, definitely!

so come and cheer on us the 16th in Folkungahallen, it's going to be worth it.

Love

people requested that I upload pictures of myself on my blog. what? ME? on MY blog? No way in hell!

right.

so, to actually make this an update and not just a random post with a picture of my ghastly face, I will reveal one of my most secret secrets...
or, rather, slap in your face THIS PICTURE!




yeah a nose piercing! I am actually thinking this over seriously- for the second time. I don't know why I rejected this idea before, it must've been when I was too pretty for a thing like this. now it simply makes my face interesting again (ooh, hars words! lucky they're coming from me and not some bitch with beach blonde hair, sorry, extensions.)

to summarize this day: AWESOME. I finally got to sleep long, Mom and I can take longer and longer strolls with Fia, I hade porridge for breakfast (EPIC) and I just watched a hell of a lot of tutorials from amateurs on how to straighten/curl/frizz/style my hair. not that I intend to use any of them, but there is something about the way they talk and look in the mirror and really concentrate that gives the same feeling as someone scratching your back. it's just really comfy. (freeaak)

I got a parking ticket today for the first time in my life. f-u-c-k. there was no sign whatsoever close to the square, but apparently there was a sign some hundred meters away, in a corner, stating that the entire area (my school) was to be payed for. SUCKS! I wish they could've just done like at Folkunga where you have to pay between 8 and 18 if you're staying longer than 2 hours, and the rest is free.

so, getting that off of my mind, I am fully set on the weekend! tomorrow will be my sleep/do nothing day, friday will be work and party with the heart-warmers, and saturday will be work. again. but I am such a lucky bastard, because my times got changed. so Friday will be work between 10 and 16, and saturday will be from 14 to 19, which enables me to sleep some shit off and actually wake up before going to work! SCORE! my life rocks, and yor sucks.

not really though.

the room is silent apart from the light sound of my computer and my cat's soft snores. I usually don't let the cats stay in my room at night because they keep stepping on me and want to get out at three am. but I just don't have the heart to wake her up and throw her out just yet. It seems that everyone has been cosy today, lina was, Fanny was, Jossan was, a hell of a lot of people from the musical-gruop was, and I got a million hugs from my team! I effin love girls, they just can't seem to stop hugging people. and they're soft, let us not forget about that fact.

speaking of girls, i can't wait until friday and when this long weekend starts. thursday till sunday, here I come! no, seriously, friday and saturday are going to be like, work, party, work. and sunday will be...

dundundunduuuuuun! GAMETIME! score! playing opposite (right-side) will be yours truly, and I hope you hold your thumbs for us!

now, off to bed to fight with Capten Sleep!

yes folks, that headline right there is indeed much more exciting than the actual blog per se. but alas, there is yet another mudcake in the oven right in this moment. I'm wearing my cosy socks and smell like soap, and I put coffee in that cake. it's going to be delicious, trust me, I tasted the batter. I sort of want to go to sleep, but there's a clock on my nightstand that is giving away the most obnoxious sound. honestly, how loud is a clock allowed to be?! so i'm staying up until it stops (it's one of those you wind up, it's already been twelve hours. hope it doesn't go for 24).

I'm very excited for tomorrow, for different reasons. first of all, it's the cinnamon buns' day, which means that our mentor time is going to be filled up with awesomeness. second, there will be speeches about different things in English C, and I am slightly unprepared, which makes it even more of a challenge. ehm, not really, I'm actually going to study the article I'm having my speech about like a ranchor between classes. That is, if ranchoors study, I don't know, you tell me! third, there will only be one word; TRAINING. oh yes, I will get up there and smash those sets into the face of reality. yeah, I'm so full of myself I'm beginning to fear that my crown won't fit when my head becomes bigger.

anywho, the weekend has been great, I partied with my work (oh god I love people in wheelchairs) and had a movie-night with KE on a whim of ours. I also bought yoghurt that tastes like applepie (KING!) and I helped mom with Fia again, which is making me nostalgic for the times when I still owned a horse.

wish me luck on sleeping, I will see you tomorrow.

The rain was sizzling down through the clouds, chilling my fingers and my nose, making my hair and jacket uncomfortably damp. Luckily for me, my mom was also headed to town at nine a.m, so I got a ride with her in the car. No, I didn't drive, I actually prefer sitting in the passenger's seat and dozing off to music in the morning. ...shocker.... 

I arrived at Filbyter square just in time to see my teachers bring in heaps of the junk we were going to biuld a statue out of. yes, you heard me correctly, art lesson was scheduled to the square, and the subject was: build a statue for City Art Link.

okay, so first of all, it was cold. but that didn't stop us from having fun and making the teacher parcticants do some hard wotk as well. ah, good times! after we had put all our stuff up (which was pretty hard some of it) we had mudcake (score!!) and ate lunch in town. aah goodie goodie.

at half past one we were back in school, and it was time for English C, and I got my essay back.I have one word for you guys. ouch. G plus is not ookay, even though I was sick during the preparatory discussion and had no clue as to us not being allowed to use our notes.
then again, that just increases my will to study harder, mouahahahaaa! so you better cheer me on..

after school I spent some time with Rasmus, which was very appreciated since I haven't really talked to him in a while. we made pasta with some cheese and tomato stuff which was, incredibly enough, deliscious! I cleaned his kitchen area (you will thank me when you don't get sick from using it!) and we watched family guy. sweet life.

Friday came to an end, and I took the bus and train home, longing for a car of my own as I stared at the stars and tried to make smoke-rings with my breath.

training went smooth! oh, I always love a good training when I get to hit a lot. and chase after balls and save points and stuff. ohyeah. drinking yoghurt afterwards isn't too bad either.

weekend is coming closer, and I'm having a slight panic-attack since I'm not really sure where all my scheduled things fit in. ohwell, work will always be on the same time! I'll call them to make sure tomorrow as wel, humdidum.
I'm not really sure about you wanting to read my blog. quite frankly, it's getting repetitive and boring (my life in a nutshell!)

so here are some facts that you might not want to know about me, but might still be interesting!

• I have deep respect for other's parents rooted deep in my spine.
• I'm planning on going to Australia in a couple of years, after a road-trip.
• I love making books. not writing, but binding.
• I have things to record my songs with, but not the skills to use the technology
• I love horses and if I hadn't found volleyball I would've become a loner taking care of my own horse in a forest - for ever.

Today was a slow day, sort of. I had one lesson in geology, and that was it (though it was a nice lesson, I think I like this subject!). I met up with Rasmus, and he went looking for shoes as I talked about my day, yada yada. I also had the pleasure of meeting his brother and mom, and I realized that I don't really know that much about Rasmus family-life. which might've been his intentions, I don't know. It was nice, however, even though I didn't really talk much to them. My tongue always locks itself when I meet family members of people I like, it's like that with Fanny's and Frida's parents too. they're always so nice and I never know what to say. ever.

oh well, maybe that's good so they won't think that their kids are spending time with lunatics! (which they are, mouahahahaha)

the sun was out today, and it was really truly beautiful to be alive, even though my feet hurt a bit from the shoes i got from Sigrid. (I'll get used to them) I love the sun, I can stand with my face towards it for hours on end! It just fills me up, erasing all those things that are bad and reminding me of who I am. Although I can't stop wishing for the snow to fall so that the nights will be a bit lighter.

I want the snow to fall. I wish for the trees to bare their naked black branches and then cover them up with that white powder that chills my bones. I want the days to be dark and long, illuminated only by yellow streetlights and fires and candles. I miss missing the summer. I want to long for the spring and dive deep under my covers as the snow keeps my windows shut.

I want to walk by the lake as it's freezed over, having the cold bite my toes and my nose, and I want to hear the snow under my shoes.

but I don't want the summer to have ended either, even though it died long ago.


---

The painting for our personal project is almost done, and i'm in a state where I love it but still want to make those minor changes. I didn't make any sketches for it, which might disappoint my teacher since we were supposed to. but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. it's all there, in the painting. I don't want to spill my thoughts on another surface, watering it out, I want it all to be concentrated on that big piece of wood.

I should also start gathering texts and words for my PA, but I don't know what kind I want to do. I wrote some texts that could be portrayed as letters, but it just doesn't come together in my head. maybe I should just look through a dictionary and pick some from that. It seems like a fair deal, right?

time to cheer up!! okay, so first thing that is awesome right now: bandsession. ohyea.

second awesome thing: I got more than halfway through the book that's due on monday, and I'm finishing it tomorrow. score.

third thing: yesterday the sky was on fire and even the dull gray earth had a red and pink tone, as if someone photoshopped the world. awesome.

fourth!: this morning when I let the horses out there was fog e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e and the sunwas shining through it weakly.

tomorrow evening when I've finished reading the book I think I will go for an endless walk outside, or bake something. mmmyes.

on the other hand, I really have to go to the protocall learn-how-to session tomorrow morning. it starts at ten, stealing my sleep-in, reducing the time i have left to read those twohundred pages of people travelling. hmm. and I'm not even sure that I know where it is.

well, I should try my best, if only I knew how long it would take!

cheerio

Life's been busy indeed. I finally started on my hugeass painting, and it will sweep you off your feet when I'm done. for once I will be the one to take your breath away.

for once I will be the one showing you something new.

----- Election here is over and done with.

where is this world heading? I don't know, but right now, can I get off the ride please? this is not the ticket that I bought.

Green Gloves is on repeat in my had, and it soothes me, it makes me feel safe. I don't know what it is, maybe it's his voice or the first few tones of the song, or the way he mumbles when he sings. why can't I know a person that makes me feel like that? It seems so soft and right. It keeps me from thinking bad things about myself, and I like that.

Linnea finally had her last training with us. maybe I don't want to talk about it, I don't know. but it feels like my heart has been ripped out, I don't want to do anything except playing like a freak. what's even worse is that Sara's leaving too. to work. come on people, this sucks! not our team, but the feeling of people leaving sucks, I've had enough of it. I'm always the one standing left on a vast surface, waving to their backs. I won't have it! some day, I will leave just for the sake of leaving.

then you will be the ones to miss me.

I should've known it when I woke up early on saturday morning, not being able to sleep long. hello cold. hello sickness. now go to hell.

i can't train tomorrow because if this stupid cold, and neither will I be well enogh to go to school tomorrow. hell, I'm too sick to sit in front of this damn computer.

anywho, election today, and pleasepleaseplease don't make the blue win!

thankyouverymuch greedy swedish rich bastards.

trainings are going better and better, and hopes and dreams about division two seems to be within our reach. something that shocked me to no ends though, and made me extremely confused and pissed, is the fact that our best setter Sara is quitting because of work.

come on! she's a genius when it comes to setting, and her work had to give her the shifts on our trainings and games?? what the hell!

so since I am so pissed, I'm going to read som Willem Moberg and hope everything turns out great in the end.

Fia, NEVER GET SICK!

I tried sleeping under the sun

 

i tried resting in the ocean

 

but it's impossible when the one you want

 

is the daughter of the sun

 

 

my arms are made for her to hold

my lips were made for her to mold

I know I was made to spread my legs for her

 

but in the end she's the one who decides

 

if we're getting it on

 

or if we stay the same.

 

 

Power

how could I unwind myself from around her finger

when all I want is to wind my legs

around her neck?

 

I tried shouting in the void of space

 

I tried screaming in a padded room

 

but it's impossible when the one you want

 

is the daughter of the sun.

The scent of pancakes made its way slowly into my nostrils, tickling my hunger and filling me with all the memories of when I was a child and knew that daddy was cooking because it smelled like daddy-food (Yes people, I am referring to pancakes. except for when he's making pasta and meat balls). prescious memories indeed.

Today I managed the art of buying a humongus chocolate bar even though I only needed a small one, only because I have money left since I'm not buying clothes for a year. so I sat down, taking a look at myself and how I spend my money, and realized that that is exactly what I always do. I SPEND my money. like, I never have anything left by the end of the month. well that is going to change. from now on, the only chocolate i am allowed to BUY is: chocolate ball at Elsas Hus, Palle Kuling and chocolate that is a present for someone. period. the rest i have to make myself or compensate with youghurt. good plan, I will keep it up!

oh, by the way, pat on the back for Saga, who now hasn't bought any unnecessary clothes in a month! score!

right now my creativity is working its ass off, because I've finally started for real my project! the project is for school, and I am basically making an exhibition on hom communication is a lot harder than one think, by mixing words and paintings. something I interpret as a clear message may be unintelligeble nonsense to someone else. or the other way around. stick around for more information on this matter.

and now the weather; the day has been sunny and shiny and glorious like any autumn day should be.

I feel so alive right now.

 

It was a gloriuos monday morning, and all my senses were on their best behavior. sort of.

it was THE DAY.

The day when I would finally do the test that would bring me freedom and the right to speed around alone in a car. My english class was a bit boring for the first time, but I believe it will become better (and warmer. that classroom is ANTARCTICA!) with time. spent my free time in the art room to the joy of my heart, and the day went by without any major incidents or raptors roaming the hallways. that would inevitably be awesome though.

anywhoo.

when class had finished, I killed some time with my two awesome friends at subway (hallelujah) and then I was finally off to the house where it would all take place. oh yes.

It is peculiar, how one can know things, and in a pressed moment, thinkt that they are being tricked by the knoeledge drilled in to their heads.

I know for a fact that the only thing the car lets out is carbon dioxide and water. yet I did not mark that answer. for example. it was worse the last time I took it, obviously, since I failed, but this time I was pepared!

and SCORE! the driver's licence is now mine, and i consider me being the ruler of the world!

next on my to do list are my tattoos. they will rock. and you will be jealous of my genius.

words are words, and I am me, and you are not what you used to be.

a break. that's what I need right now.

I'll tell you later, if I have the heart for it. is that the way you'd say it? i don't know, I just know that i've got an ass-long book to read.

Don't count on frequent updates anymore (not that you'd really miss them) and don't count on my wisdom to shower over the world in spurs of inspiration. autumn is here, aand it brings with it the feeling of melancholy and apathy. you know it, the one where you're talking with your best friend, and all of a sudden you can't speak, and there is this empty viod in your mind and body, and you space out. it's the one where you play the same three chords over and over, trying to remember what words are and how to cleverly put them together.

I want tomorrow to come, because tomorrow equals volleyball. oh sweet blessing.